I had something new and great installed in my room. Yet, it scares me. It gives me the responsibility which I dare not shoulder, but somehow, through the decision of him, it was placed, with the rest of the burden. I don't know what he was thinking. Just weeks go, threats were issued like they mean nothing to me. And now, a little sweetness was given. Too sweet for me to handle. I shiver at the thought of all the effort I have to put in. 7 months for 4 years. Enough of that. I still got 2 more years of the other suffering I have to go through. Fear? Excitement? Desperate. I don't know. It's another matter which I hope it won't be too bad.

Just yesterday, I slacked a whole day. I want to study, I thought there weren't much homework. Until the sms came. And I realised, I can't put one whole day of tomorrow for studying Chem only. It won't be enough. It's already 1pm. I switched on the computer and hoped someone, any one that I can connect to, to come online. Even if it's you guys, who won't know what homework I might have, I do not mind. I too have to confess, I always wait for someone who is most probably Candy, (haha) to come online and then we'll talk about homework together. More like complain. I always have this kind of thinking : If all of us are to suffer, why suffer alone? At least we'll have each other by our sides.

1.05pm.

It's Saturday. No one, except me is at home. So quiet. Too quiet. I can't do work. I want to find a place bustling with people, people I know. To which all of them ignore me and treat me as invisible while I study, and life revolves around me. I want to go somewhere, somewhere private, known only to me yet has many many people. I wonder how I'm going to finish everything I need to know in one week. I know I can do it, but how well will I be able to do it? For this upcoming obstacle, I do not aim high, I only wish I can cruise over the barricade without falling. I know, I should.

I shall aim to start work LATEST by 1.30! Then I shall do work until...3.30. Then I shall go run or jog or do whatever workout I want to do. Until I come back bath and everything else, It'll be 5. So I shall start work again at that time, until 6 or 6.30 then slack and dinner and everything other thing else, If possible, I will do work AGAIN at 8.30. Of course, I do not expect me to focus by tat time, thus I should glance through my notes for the upcoming test, then tomorrow, it'll be drilling with practise. YES. That's it. I must start my own motor running. No one is going to start it up for me. Me, myself and I. It is a selfish world after all.

1.10 pm.

I want to fly freely. Even if it's short lived I do not mind. Yet I also know, the butterfly got its wings only after it survived and evolved through the hardships of the world. Metamorphosis, I await that day.