::ME::
In a place of voidness, I need colours. Blue, Red, Green.
May the colours tell of a story that will not let me regret.
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Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Praises
Actually I don't know how to start this but who cares? It's informal anyway so yeap. Here it is.
I want to be praised. For what I do, for what I say and for who I am. I don't want any random or insincere praise just to fu yan me. Actually I don't want praises to come too easily too. It's just that in my case, never is good good enough. Not to me but to society, or mainly it's just how my parents look at things. I find that praises can be a double-edged sword. And I admit, I have let compliments hurt me before. Over-confidence and smugness was the result. And let's not move on to the 'after-effects'. Yet if praises are applied accordingly and whenever necessarily, it can do wonders. When one is praised it's like a miracle has happened, one feels special, needed, useful. The feeling is difficult to put into words but I'll give it a try. When a compliment is given, there's a special feeling that's being jump started deep down inside the heart. Like a star has been born, one can really really jump for joy. Let's not talk about modesty here. The REAL feeling is not to be hidden but to be shown yet such actions may be seen from a negative prospect. The euphoria one feels when a SINCERE praise is given is one of the world's greatest things. To feel needed, unique and honoured is a thing which many yearns for yet are not able to express. I remembered this phrase from the movie [ I Not Stupid] , "When was the last time you praised anybody?" I asked myself and realised I was guilty as charged. That's when I became more thankful for more stuff yet I must confess, a daily reminder might help much more. I do not want to follow in the footsteps who has failed and so I beseech all who has read this post to think about it for a moment and I do not wish for a direct change but I do hope this paragraph has affected you in one way or another.
Mirage
And now I would like to tell a story.
Imagine you are in a desert, walking on the sandy path. Your soles are worn out, you can feel every grain of the sand cutting into your feet. Yet you trudge on, dragging every part of your body in search of something, a special something. However, now and then something caught your eye, you walk towards it. With every step nearer, your heart jumps a bit faster. You hope to get what you wish, but a dark fear still resides in you. And when you finally get near enough to see clearly if you hit the jackpot, the fear that was in hiding jumped out and smack you right in your face. From that point, you have 2 choices, one, to give up and await for your imminent death or to cling on to that tiny hope and carry on with life. Often one might feel the need to stop very tempting but the right thing to do is to let go, forget and move on. In a desert where everywhere you look seems to be the same, there's a place that truly awaits you to find it, through perseverance and determination. Setbacks abound and really puts one off but after all, it will become experience.
Thus that's all I have to say and somehow I feel that there's irony in both paragraph I wrote. Also I don't know if I did expressed what I wanted to say in the story. But oh well, I felt a sense of relief after writing all the bottled things.
It doesn't matter how much you say you love me, it doesn't matter how much you say you miss me, it doesn't matter how much you say you need me. The thing that matters is do you even know me? Or did you even say all those stuff? Was I deluding myself and tried to fill up the gap in my heart? I wish I could say all these doesn't matter anymore but the truth is it really do.
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